This has been very ironic for
me because I normally do not have personal conflicts; however, just earlier in
the week I did. I had already written about it on the discussion board but it
fits perfectly with this assignment so I will briefly go over it again. My
ex-sister in law just recently remarried and never even told me that she was
going to do it let alone that she did it. I found out about it through facebook
which made me livid. It shocked me mostly because we were so close for so long
and even though she divorced her first husband we remained close and still did
almost everything together. I knew that she was pregnant before anyone else, I
knew her problems, and I knew when she was happy. Then on top of all this, I
found out that the lady that does her nails knew all about it. I waited 3 weeks
for her to say something to me and she never did. So today I finally said
something to her and it turned into a horrible argument. I said some terrible
things and told her I did not want to hear anything she had to say because I figured
she had plenty of time to say something to me. After reviewing the lessons
learned this week I did realize that I could have tried to see things from her
point of view. We had learned about The Third Side and how seeing, listening,
and speaking should be done with different perspectives. According to The Third
Side (n.d.), when in conflict, we see ourselves as “in the right” and that is
how I dealt with this, without giving her a chance to explain. As far as I was
concerned, she had plenty of time to do so and I was not important enough to
explain why she got married and did not want others to know, especially me.
Another thing that I could have done better was speaking from the 3rd
side. “The words and actions we choose influence the conflicts around us” (The Third Side, n.d.). I allowed my words and actions to take over the conversation which
lead to me saying to never call me again.
I would love to hear everyone’s
input regarding this situation. It has bothered me since it happened. This is
not normal for me, but all I can say is that I allowed my emotions to rule my conversation
and I exploded.
The Third Side. (n.d.). The third side. Retrieved from http://www.thirdside.org/
Hi Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI am also not a person that has a lot of personal (or professional) conflicts either, yet just today I ended up in one. I found it kinda peculiar that both you and I had conflict encounters during the week that we are studying management conflict.
Your situation seems rough, especially since it occurred with someone you appear to have (or had) a close relationship with. I also tend to let my emotions run how I handle conflict, which do not necessarily always turn out good. As for effective strategies, I really like the one that O'Hair and Wiemann (2012) mentioned which was: for every one negative comment, say five positive ones. I think if I did this more often in conflicts, then I wouldn't let my emotions get the best of me. Hope this helps.
Erin
Reference: O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
Hi Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI also am not one that has a lot of conflicts, and will avoid conflict when I can. It is easy to get caught up in our emotions and over-react sometimes. We have to remember to step back, take deep breaths, and calm down so that we do not become verbally aggressive and say something that is hurtful to the other person. Even when situations hurt our feelings, we have to try to see things from the other persons perspective and ask questions in an attempt to understand if we must. Nonviolent communication skills emphasize compassion as motivation for action rather than blame or guilt. When we use the NVC skills in our personal and professional interactions, we will be attentive, respectful, and empathetic not only to our own needs, but also the needs of others. I hope things work out and you are eventually able to manage this conflict productively.