Collaborating with Colleagues

During these last 8 weeks everyone in group has been supportive and responsive especially during my period of not knowing how to handle the situation with my sister-in-law. I very much appreciated the feedback and ideas that helped me get through that time because it was more emotional for me to see through the “Third Side”. I have enjoyed this class very much and hope that it continues to help me improve on my communication skills for not only my professional goals but my personal goals as well. I wish you all the very best as you embark on the last few classes left toward our degrees. If anyone ever needs anything or just wished to talk my personal email is elizabethgarcia1950@gmail.com

Thanks Again!!!

Stages of Group Development

When I was working on my bachelor’s degree we had groups for every class like we do here; however, the work load for our group assignments was much more involved. For three years I worked with people that came and went depending on the class. There were very few that I started and finished with over that three year period. After about a year into my program, there was a few that we noticed were a constant and we tried to make sure that we were in the same group class after class because we knew we did our work and we worked well together. Towards the end of our program we were at our most efficient and I would consider us a high performing group. I would say this was the group that was hardest to say good-bye to. I remember times when I was glad to see the group go because of lack of work, commitment, and communication. However, the final group that I had for the last year straight was a great team to be a part of and we all worked hard. We knew how the teams worked, we knew who was leader each week, and we knew our parts and did our work. If problems came up, we discussed possible solutions and we all helped to solve the issue; it never fell to one group member. We did call each other and say good-bye because this was on online school; however, if we were closer I would have loved to get together for a small celebration if we could have. We all worked extremely hard to finish and I believe we deserved some type of recognition for that work. I know that when we finish working on this master’s degree that some may post messages, some may send email and other may make phone calls; however, I do wish it could be more. Adjourning is an essential stage of teamwork because members may “reflect on their accomplishments and failures as well as determine whether the group will disassemble or take on another project” (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 257-258).

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford. St. Martin's.

 

Communication Conflicts

This has been very ironic for me because I normally do not have personal conflicts; however, just earlier in the week I did. I had already written about it on the discussion board but it fits perfectly with this assignment so I will briefly go over it again. My ex-sister in law just recently remarried and never even told me that she was going to do it let alone that she did it. I found out about it through facebook which made me livid. It shocked me mostly because we were so close for so long and even though she divorced her first husband we remained close and still did almost everything together. I knew that she was pregnant before anyone else, I knew her problems, and I knew when she was happy. Then on top of all this, I found out that the lady that does her nails knew all about it. I waited 3 weeks for her to say something to me and she never did. So today I finally said something to her and it turned into a horrible argument. I said some terrible things and told her I did not want to hear anything she had to say because I figured she had plenty of time to say something to me. After reviewing the lessons learned this week I did realize that I could have tried to see things from her point of view. We had learned about The Third Side and how seeing, listening, and speaking should be done with different perspectives. According to The Third Side (n.d.), when in conflict, we see ourselves as “in the right” and that is how I dealt with this, without giving her a chance to explain. As far as I was concerned, she had plenty of time to do so and I was not important enough to explain why she got married and did not want others to know, especially me. Another thing that I could have done better was speaking from the 3^rd side. “The words and actions we choose influence the conflicts around us” (The Third Side, n.d.). I allowed my words and actions to take over the conversation which lead to me saying to never call me again.

I would love to hear everyone’s input regarding this situation. It has bothered me since it happened. This is not normal for me, but all I can say is that I allowed my emotions to rule my conversation and I exploded.

The Third Side. (n.d.). The third side. Retrieved from http://www.thirdside.org/

My Evaluation/Communication Skills

The first thing that I noticed was how all three evaluations were very similar with a few exceptions. The one thing that surprised me the most was a friend of mine who I used to work with had scored my communication anxiety as low. I scored myself as mild and my family member did too; however, I do tend to be more critical of myself. My friend has had to sit in on meetings in the past and has seen me with my family members and other coworkers and she felt that my communication anxiety was that of be being comfortable communicating in most situations and confident in anticipating such encounters. This made me feel really good, because even if I am feeling anxious about speaking in front of people, it apparently does not show.

 One insight I gained about communication this week with regards to the evaluations is that I am people oriented which is something that I always believed to be and strive to continue to foster with my children and families every year. Another insight from this week was how having to answer the questions about the lady for the discussion question caused my first impressions to be mostly assumptions because I did not know the lady or anything about her. I found myself answering some of the questions based on my own likes or feelings which are not accurate for her. This was a good exercise to do to help remind me not to judge people especially based on looks.

 

Communicating Differently

Yes, I do communicate differently with people from different groups and cultures. Depending on who I am speaking, I tend to use different language, tones, and content. If I am speaking with my family I can say I am myself, I speak fast and loud and use humor all the time. My entire family is like this, we know each other and humor is a big part of our culture. If I am speaking with someone older than myself I tend to be more respectful, I try to be quieter and I may not use as much humor. When I am speaking with someone here where I live now, I tend to use words that I would not normally use. After being here for almost 20 years I have found that people respond to me better if I use words like y’all and ma’am. Even without a southern accent, they respond to me as if I have lived here all my life. When I am working, I do use humor with the people I have worked with for many years; they know me and know that humor is a huge part of my personality. Sometimes when I don’t make a joke about something they ask if everything is ok; it is just expected of me now which makes me feel good because they know that about me. When speaking to others from other cultures, I just try to listen and be understanding, I may not use humor often because I do not want them to misunderstand or think I am not taking them seriously, unless they get to know me, then I will joke with them. When I am talking with my children I will use humor with them also and I will use slang words that I hear them use. They laugh, especially if I did not use the word correctly, which is most of the time.

 

Nonverbal Clues

The episode I watched was the Cosby Show. While watching the show without sound I had made many assumptions about what was going on with the characters, especially Clair because this was an episode that revolved around her. Clair was upset early on in the program and you can tell by her facial expressions and how she was walking around. Bill was great to watch even without sound because he always uses his facial features to express himself, but even with knowing this I was all wrong about what was happening in the show. You could tell that Bill was trying to get the children to listen to him, but they kept trying to walk away. At this point I had thought that Clair was tired of cleaning up after them and dealing with their arguing.

After watching the show with the sound on I was shocked at how different the show came together. I found myself at many sections of the program saying, Oh that’s what they were talking about or wow I got that all wrong. Clair was not angry at the children like I thought, she was just stressed out about life, tired of doing and doing between work and home. Bill was trying to give her a little vacation for the night so she could just focus on her wants and needs.

I don’t if I would not have had assumptions with a show that I was familiar with, I mean watching what they are doing and having to rely solely on body language, anyone could be wrong. With a show that I am more familiar with, I might be able to tell what kind of mood the characters are in better, but I am not sure if I would be able to be able to figure out the plot. I did not have much to choose from when I started this assignment and I chose the Cosby Show because I have not seen this show since I was a teenager. I am familiar with Bill and I have seen many of his standup acts. But even with knowing how he is, I was still wrong about the plot of the show and what was going on.

Communication Skills

When I think of effective communication skills I always think of my sister Amanda. While in high school and then in college, she took several public speaking classes. Back then, in the 80's, public speaking was done differently than it is today. She needed to write and give speeches all the time and I would be her audience for her to practice. She was very good at writing and giving speeches and to this day I use her advice given to me about writing good papers and having to give speeches. Even when not speaking in front of people, she always uses proper grammar and looks at people like what they have to say is so very important. If I could model any of her behaviors regarding communication it would be that I can also make people feel what they have to say matters while listening and speaking to them.